What's up everyone.
Been a shitty couple of weeks...my uncle passed away (he's in a better place so that helps, but it's never easy to lose anyone...), my Grandpa just had surgery to remove cancer from his face, the wife has a few family members that are sick, just not a very good start to October...
The ceremony for my Uncle is this Saturday, so the whole weekend will be about family and that will be nice. I've noticed as you get older you get busy and generally don't see each other except for holidays or when something bad happens, which is definitely not how it should be. It makes me kind of sad actually, but I guess that's just what happens...
I'm assuming that poker has seen a direct hit because of this...I'm definitely way more irritated with all the running into tops of peoples ranges. Honestly that more than anything is tilting me lately...The suck outs are something you deal with just cuz you know it's going to happen, but when they have a certain range, and you're always running into the top of it in big pots is really getting to me. It's definitely tilts me more than anything. Of course I have a huge amount of pressure on me atm to play well as we desperately need a w/d (lol of course, so much for moving up) and it's tilting me/making me irritable when I don't win.
I think it'll be good to take a few days off. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting mad about losing and that's when I need a break. Usually I let beats and losing roll off me like everything else, but when I start getting actually mad and that "wtf r u kidding me, fuck poker" attitude I know it's time to take some time off..
I guess I'm just pretty irritated in general atm. I had a big life reflection while I was driving home from work today, and it wasn't a good one. I was just thinking about life and work and what "this" all really means, and I honestly didn't have an answer of what's the point...
...but then I came home and saw the wife and kid, and I was temporally relieved. I still don't know though. I'm just getting sick of things, life is too short to not be happy with your job or money or whatever it is. I feel like I need to change something to become happy, problem is I have no idea what it is. It's very possible this is just the temporary downswing talking and adding more fucking $$$ stress, but idk...I seem to have a lot of these types of moments lately.
I know that it's all due to one issue, and it drives me crazy, furious, and sad all at once, and realistically I probably will never be fully happy with my life until it gets resolved...but (here's where it gets really good) it honestly probably never will, and everyone is going to die pissed off and bitter...fucking awesome. Well for now and until that day comes that it gets fixed (which it won't) fuck everything...
Later everyone.
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