WTF!!!

I can't even take it anymore. This is getting unreal. I don't even know what to do anymore. May and June are officially losing months, which I can't stand. I know that in poker you will never win all the time or even close to it, but this is driving me crazy.

This losing streak is causing me serious stress both financially and mentally. I don't even know wtf to do anymore. I'm to the point where I feel like I don't even know how to play poker anymore. I looked over the sessions, and there are a few hands where they just had the top of their range, a few coolers, and a few I just played like a jackass...

I just don't even know where to go from here. I'm clueless. I play poker to make money and atm I'm not doing that, and it is causing me an extremely large amount of unnecessary frustration and stress, which I don't need atm...

The worst part about all this is that my BR has shrunk drastically. I still have 30 BI but, i used to have 40-50, and since July is the month to clear my mid-year bonus which i desperately need to help bump my BR back up, I have to play a shit ton in July...like I said before I'm going to take the next two days off and then start grinding July 1...

I think this is the first real losing streak I've had online. Two months of frustration is not fun. I'm sure some of you will read this and be like "buck up it's only 40K hands" but this is causing my life stress that I don't need or want...man I hate $!!!

later all, have a good Sunday.

Frustrated....again

Sup everyone. Hope your all having a good Saturday so far.

So I'm currently still on a bit of a downswing. My last four sessions I've basically broke even, but it's really been odd. I'm usually pretty consistent and don't do anything too stupid, but lately I either play really good (up 6 BI in two sessions) or really really horrible (down 6 BI in the other two sessions...).

So I'm planning to play tomorrow and then take the rest of the month off, especially since i will be needing to put in serious volume in July to clear my mid-year bonus. So I'm thinking that a break (even if it is only for 2 days) will help me relax a bit and give me some extra study time. I've also planned to tighten up a bit since nothing else has worked to this point. The main thing i need to change though is the fact that if i feel like I'm not into playing i just need to not play at that time. The session where i play poorly is basically me not wanting to play but i do anyways just to get the points for the day in...huge mistake!

I've also been in kind of a funk lately. I don't really know why just feel kind of blah. I'm sure i have an idea what it has to do with but who knows. There seems to be a lot of little things that i get frustrated with and i know that adds up a little each day... Life is a silly thing, and i definitely don't want to turn into a grumpy person the older i get, but it definitely feels like that's the road I'm headed down.

I'm sure the downswing has a little do do with it, but i try and not let poker affect my moods that much, I'm usually pretty good at not showing emotion, especially with the kid around, i wouldn't want her to see her dad in a sad/unhappy mood.

Well have a good weekend everyone.

Happy Fathers Day

Hello everyone at tworags.com. I will be cross posting on tworags from my blog sight http://mpjm.blogspot.com/, so that's where you can find all of my previous blog posts.


Just a little about myself: I'm a Married 30 yeard old with an amazing almost 2 year old daughter. I used to play live exclusively, but when the kid arrived, my days of staying at a casino all hours of the night were up, since poker was a large part of my income I needed to make a change...so i decided to get into online poker. I had played previously online before and had moderate success, but I soon realized that live play does not=online play.


I started out by depositing $200 onto FTP in July 07, and started out at 25nl...(good bankroll management) and haven't looked back since. I've went threw a huge transition and have really become a solid player (well at least I think lol). I currently am a 12-14 tabler of 50nl with the occasional shot at 100nl also. I truly love poker and the added benefit it has of providing my family with extra income is a nice bonus also.

Happy Fathers Day everyone. I hope all the fathers out there have a wonderful day.

I'm not planning much for the day. probably just going to watch the U.S. Open, play a little cards, then smoke a really nice cigar that is in the new humidor my amazing wife got for me for Fathers Day. It's seriously the best humidor ever!

Have a wonderful day everyone.

I Luv Fridays

Seriously is there really such a things as a bad Friday? i doubt it....

Poker has still been a crazy roller coaster lately. I've started to re-read a book i actually forget the name of atm, that deals with attitude and playing poker and swings. there's a section specifically about downswings and dealing with them. So that's helped out immensely to this point.

I did notice i was making some mistakes that only added to the downswing, I was getting frustrated and didn't focus 100% on each hand and decision which ultimately killed me more than just bad beats and coolers.

So needless to say i definitely feel rejuvenated mentally. I'm looking at things a lot clearer and just need to focus 100% on the hand and decision at hands and things really will take care of themselves, I've learned that in a downswing rational thinking kinda goes out the window. When you lose 5 BI in a session it's hard to remember that making correct decisions is all you can really do as a poker player...

This weekend should be pretty fun, well minus the yard work, and normal house hold chores that comes with buying a house...a very good friend of mine moved back from California and we're thinking about golfing this weekend potentially. He played professionally for a while but had to give it up unfortunately when his back went out. I used to be able to keep up with him so we'll see what time has done. neither of us have played any real amount of golf so it could be lol...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

one step forward, two steps back

so things were going good, and i was back to the normal grind. starting to make money and the BR was finally growing once again. but (of course) i didn't listen to myself, and i played when i shouldn't have, then got cold decked twice, then tilted off 2 more BI. the two tilted BI weren't really horrible had a huge draw in one but the fact that i even saw the flop had to do with tilt, then i just played one so aggressively and was actually shocked to get called by TPTK on a very scary board, but what do you do i guess...

so now the plan is to really start to try and hyper focus again. since trying the new LAG style i've really gotten some new situations that i'm obviously not handling well...so i'm planning on cutting down to 6-8 tables and really look at all my decisions and then do a comparison of sessions and see how much time is affecting my decisions. so that's the experiment for now.

i deff need to relax and just play. i'm not desensitized to money enough. i'm looking at the $ aspect of it and that's what i'm doing wrong atm. i just need to realize things are fine right now and i just need to play and use my chips as the weapon that they are...

well have a good weekend everyone.

update

hey everyone,

nothing really new just thought i'd do a little update.

poker has actually been better. i emailed my mentor (SplitSuit) and asked some questions. he seemed to say all the right things and calmed me down quite a bit. as usual he pointed out what happens every time i get on a downswing...so i just needed to snap out of it and all has been ok since. i'm at least playing better and thinking of ranges again and not "how am i going to lose the pot this time". so that's a nice change of pace...tyvm SS much appreciated as always!

other than that sos i guess, just family, work, poker, and sleep going on atm. the house is shaping up nicely and things are coming together. if we can get some things accomplished this weekend maybe we'll be able to throw a house warming/poker party, which are always fun.

well have a good rest of the week everyone.

doom switch

ok, so whoever has flipped my doom switch, i would GREATLY appreciate it if you would flip it back off...

seriously this is honestly insane. i just can't seem to win, everything is still going wrong, playing good and getting sucked out on, then i play like shit and still lose...it's really starting to become unbelievable. the layoff helped and refreshed me and i'm not really getting upset anymore but this is starting to wear on my mind and Psyche. of course this means i have no confidence which i'm sure makes some passive play creep in, but damn this is insane.

real world wise things are pretty good. my mom came over and completely finished all the putting away at our house... it was like a huge weight was lifted instantly. still have a few of the little things to do and finish up but other than that we're good. so THANK YOU very much mom!!!

if anyone has any suggestions or thoughts on what works for them when you're on a downswing PLEASE let me know, this is honestly driving me crazy.

have a good weekend everyone.

June

so with all the craziness of moving i haven't really updated at all so i figured i would.

moving officially sucks, it's just a really big pain in the ass. we at least have everything in the new place, and the important rooms done (bedroom, kids playroom) so at least that's taken care of, other than that it looks like a bomb went off in here, but we're slowly getting things accomplished night by night so hopefully we'll be officially moved in in a week or two.

poker wise there's nothing really to report at all. i haven't played for about 10 days, i needed the layoff and realized that i'd need to put in large volume in june and especially july because of the mid year bonus. so i decided a break would be the best thing for me. i played for about 30 minuets on saturday night, and it was ok. nothing too major. i'm definitely feeling better and energized about everything so i think the layoff is exactly what i needed.

June really hasn't started off that good though. work has been meh, and my boss decided to give me a pep talk today (and he doesn't know how to motivate btw)and basically put me in a worse mood than i already was, then to top it all of i get a speeding ticket in a school zone for $189, WTF!, that's just ridiculous, damn school zones, but the rest of the day was ok, so hopefully this isn't a sign of things to come...i have a feeling june is going to be a good month. i'm definitely due for some things to go my way.

well have a great week everyone.