life

*parental advisory: there's a little swearing in this post...so fucking deal with it.

what's up all. just thought i'd make a little post since i've been in somewhat of a funk lately, figured maybe venting would make me feel a little better...we'll c.

so lately i just really haven't been happy i don't think. first of all my family situation is just fucked. (my mom and dad/siblings, not wife and kid...) there's an issue in my family that i don't understand and don't really wanna go into it but lets just say it could drive a guy to drink. i'm basically the middle man of what is a feud that will honestly probably be never ending. and it pissses me off so fucking much i can't stand it. why can't they just wake the fuck up and realize life is TOO SHORT for this kind of shit. it's so fucking ridiculous i wanna fucking punch myself in the fucking head, and let me tell you it's not fun. so if ur reading this please don't be angry w/ me i'm just telling you my situation and this is all so fucking ridiculous. i love you very much and just don't understand.

i also think i'm starting to get used to my role as a provider/man of the house. i've learned that sum things are better left unsaid when it will just cause grief. i feel that others shouldn't have to feel the pain/ stress i have (for those that don't truly know me i'm very stoic and generally never show emotion at all). i mean shit i'm the supposive "rock" of the family. so why should i talk about shit and give unnecessary stress/pain that i feel. might be a fucked up way to think about shit but hey it's me...my wife is somewhat emotionally fragile and i don't feel the need to tell her things that is going to cause her stress that (trust me honey) is just not necessary. like i said i'm the rock, i deal with all the shit/stress, and you handle the rest. luv u boo.

i have another job interview tomorrow and i just feel kinda meh about it. it would definitely be a great opportunity but if i've learned anything about myself it is that i don't like change. i'm very comfortable with my life (except for the above...ldo) and changing careers seems somewhat scary. my job is honestly so easy and i basically count for money. (good money for doing nothing really) so the fact that i might have to start actually working and trying to sell shit stresses me somewhat, but before i give myself the job i guess i'll see what tomorrow brings.

poker has been ok, i had a lesson w/ SS on monday and i thought it went very well. i've learned i'm basically fucking myself w/ my post flop play. i'm playing way too nitty/passively, not value betting where i should, and giving people WAY too much credit. i'm very pessimistic and it has creeped into my poker playing which is way not good at all. so this month i'm going to try and really objectively look at there likely range and commit a little more easily. we'll c if i'm way spewing at first, but i feel like that when i look at there range objectively and add the bottom/ random shit people show up with it'll work out fine.

for those of you that actually read this whole thing hug the ones u luv and never let 'em go, because life is too short to have regrets.

hmm...i actually think that worked, i feel a little better.