realization

well, i was laying in bed last night and i had my first "o shit wtf am i doing w/ my life moment" which in itself is funny since i'm almost 30, (but a new family tends to put new stresses on you that you've never felt before) i really just haven't been happy lately (read last months' post) and the majority of it is my current issues. but last night i realized i'm just not really happy w/ work either. as everyone knows the econemy sucks and no one is really gambling...ldo, which basically makes me take a pay cut while doing exactly the same job (WAY no good)

so last night i was thinking about things and what i'd want to do and what i enjoy, and guess what i came up with...big suprize to all that know me i bet...poker. my days off i truely enjoy my life... i wake up around 1pmish (go ez on me i work nights) kiss the wife, kiss the kid, load up all the poker software/programs, hangout and talk to the wife and play with the kid while everything is getting in order w/ waitlists and whatnot, and then play for my 1-2 hours. the rest of the day generlly is me w/ the wife and kid, playing, shopping or whatever the day entails...i know work isn't supposed to be all that fun, but why can't i enjoy my job/make good money?

i remember saying a long time ago that my 30th birthday present to myself was going to be to become a professional poker player...idk

alot of this is really just talk, i have a family to support and this is just me fantasizing, and also the fact that there are things that really aren't in my control (i.e...a new "life" bankroll, medical insurance, not to mention the current state of online poker etc,etc) so as always it's about $ (fuck i'm starting to hate $, and the almighty paper chase)

on the other hand i feel more comfortable in my game than i ever have and am playing the best i ever have. i truely am starting to "understand" the game, it's theory, and all that goes into it. i'm almost at the 100nl level (which i imagine would be the absolute min u could play for a living online) sure i have some tilt issues (who doesn't though really) that i'd need to sew up a little tighter and obviously the more volume and studying i put in the better, but i think i could really do this for one simple reason....i believe i can, and i've never failed at something that i've truely tried at (yes i know professional poker is a completely different thing than "normal")

but realistically this is just me fantasizing about my life and what i'd like it to be/do. i've got a wife and kid and am (well supposed to be at least) a grown ass man, and certian things in life just aren't realistic sometimes...but i'm truely starting to reopen this dream/ambition...

and i did the video as i said last post but i have no idea how to compress it. i've tried everything and just can't get it to work. so i think i might make another vid this week then post 'em whenever i figure out how to compress them...have a good couple days everyone.